Because I Feel

As a Freshman at Grace, I took a personality test called the MBTI. When I got the results back one result was especially interesting...I am a "thinker". Apparently I make most of my feelings based on thought, not on feelings. I wrote this news off at the time, turned in the required paper about my results, shoved the results sheet into the back of my folder, and life kept moving.

Then, my Sophomore year at Grace, I started rooming with a girl who is now more of a sister than a friend, Zoe. I had always prided myself on being someone who said what I thought (which I liked to think was the truth), and I didn't have any reason to change this with Zoe. Or at least I didn't think so. But do you remember that personality test that I took? And how apparently I was a "thinker"? Well, as it turned out, Zoe was a "feeler", or someone who makes decisions primarily based on feelings. And we soon learned that "thinkers" have incredible potential to say hurtful things to "feelers". I didn't understand. Decisions based on feelings? It sounded crazy to me. So I advised Zoe from my thoughts, no feelings allowed. We made it through that year and grew considerably close. Close enough, even, to decide to room together another year.

Now, it is my Junior year at Grace. I spent my summer in Thailand as a course in Other Perspectives 101. Then, this quarter, I took a class called "Intercultural Communication." For this class I had to write a paper about how to contextualize the gospel for another culture. Naturally, I chose Thai Buddhism, and set to work on research. I had no idea then what I would find.

At first I was puzzled by what I found. Apparently only stories held meaning. Reasoning like apologetics was only confusing instead of inspiring. I didn't understand. Where was the thinking? And then I found out...the Thai people are Feelers! They process things from personal experience, through their hearts, then last in their heads. A chapter title I read explains this idea well: "Because I feel, I know."
Then I had a thought. Perhaps feeling was just as valid a method of processing as thinking. Maybe I had been wrong placing thinking over feeling. What if all this time I had been wrong. After all, I reflected, look at how Jesus lived. When He witnessed Mary and Martha's pain He didn't scold them "Don't you trust me?". No, instead, when He witnessed their pain, Jesus wept. He certainly knew truth and spoke truth, but He also felt. Only after weeping did Jesus gently reminded them to have faith. It's like in Scripture when it says to speak the truth...in love. 

So I am glad to finally see how wrong I was. God has been changing my heart and now I spend a lot more time listening and feeling. This looks like me sitting Indian-style on the floor of my room, crying. Realizing how God must feel about the brokenness in this world and realizing I don't have all the answers. Hurting. And it is good to hurt for awhile. Remember Job's friends? They did well when they sat in silence.

But the hurt does not last forever. Praise God! Because of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, sin and death is conquered. Jesus is triumphant, and while this life will bring pain, I am a child of the King, and Heaven is coming!

 


Photo by Terje Sorgjerd

 
Now I have a new perspective.